Worry

Is there a magic cutoff period when> offspring become accountable for their own> actions? Is there a wonderful moment when > parents can become detached spectators in> the lives of their children and shrug, "It's> their life," and feel nothing?> > When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital > corridor waiting for doctors to put a few> stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do> you stop worrying?" The nurse said,> "When they get out of the accident stage." My> mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.> > When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little > chair in a classroom and heard how one of my> children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,> and was headed for a career making> license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher> said, "Don't worry, they all go through > this stage and then you can sit back, relax and> enjoy them." My mother just smiled> faintly and said nothing.> > When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime > waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come> home, the front door to open. A friend said,> "They're trying to find themselves. Don't> worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying.> They'll be adults." My mother just smiled > faintly and said nothing.> > By the time I was 50, I was sick &tired of being> vulnerable. I was still worrying over my> children, but there was a new wrinkle. There > was nothing I could do about it. My> mother just smiled faintly and said nothing. I> continued to anguish over their failures, be> tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in> their disappointments.> > My friends said that when my kids got married I> could stop worrying and lead my own> life. I wanted to believe that, but I was> haunted by my mother's warm smile and her> occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right? > Call me the minute you get home. Are> you depressed about something?"> > Can it be that parents are sentenced to a> lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another> handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of > human frailties and the fears o f the> unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue> that elevates us to the highest form of life?> > One of my children became quite irritable> recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've> been calling for 3 days, and no one answered! I was worried." I smiled a warm smile. > The torch has been passed!